This one’s a follow up to my last article about ridiculous Taiwanese celebrity names, by popular demand.
1. Pilot Inspektor (Son of Jason Lee)
We kickstart this list with a doozy. Actor Jason Lee named his child “Pilot Inspektor” because he heard a song on the indie rock band Grandaddy’s 2000 album The Sophtware Slump and it stuck with him.
The only thing that’s gonna stick with his son is life-long trauma.
2. Moxie Crimefighter (Penn Jillette’s Daughter)
Actual quote from Magician (and outspoken libertarian in general) Penn Jillette, “Moxie is a name that was created by an American for the first national soft drink and then went on to mean chutzpah, and that’s nice.”
I hope she has enough Moxie/chutzpah to fight the lifetime of name-calling coming her way.
3. Buddy Bear (Jamie Oliver’s Son)
This name is proof that Jamie Oliver is useless anywhere outside the kitchen. BUDDY BEAR was the name his wife chose for their son. She actually said: “I just like the name Buddy, I thought it was sweet.”
What kind of dad let’s his child be called BUDDY BEAR??? I give up.
4. Sage Moonblood (Sly Stallone’s Son)
I like Slyvester Stallone and all, but do you know something else that has blood coming out of it every lunar cycle? Yes I’m talking about periods. I went there.
5. Kyd (David Duchovny’s Son)
No I’m not Kydding you. David Duchovny had zero fucks left to give and decided to name his son, Kyd. Either that, or he was totally high. Also, Kyd really is just a mis-spelling of “Kid”.
6. North West (Needs No Introduction)
You had to have seen this one coming. I just want to know why North? Why not South West, or Journey West, Go West, etc etc etc? Is this one of Kanye’s “concept” names?
7. Bronx Mowgli (Pete Wentz’s Kid)
I have a theory that when Bronx Mowgli was made, it was in a busted-up hotel room and a rerun of The Jungle Book was on TV. Either that, or the couple were making a play similar to David Beckham’s naming of Brooklyn, but fell ridiculously short.