Source: tumblr.com
It’s interesting how I get a whole bunch of hate messages in my inbox, but few ever come in with anything else. This guy, however, came to me with a problem. I’m no expert, but I am below the much vaunted 1.7m social height requirement, so I decided to give him a little bit of what I think.
Original Message
Hi Kenneth,
I have came across and read your article regarding dating. I am currently 27, around 1.62m tall. with shoes around 1.65m.
Being that short as a guy, I faced issues dating women. I have met up or dated a few women but after the first date or meetup nothing happens after that. It could be due to my height. I am really lost, dont know is it because i am not charismatic enough from the way i present myself , speak and groom . Would like to know about your views and suggestions to increase my chances with women ? Really appreciate your feedback.
Many thanks,
Anon
5meanders Says…
Dear Anon,
I read your message, and took the night to think about this in full detail.
I’ve come to realise in the recent years, that as men who are looking to date women, we often look at the nitty gritty before we look at the bigger picture. But the truth is that we should flip it around and look at the larger picture first.
The big picture question is, and should always be: How am I of value to other people?
You must be wondering why I’m talking about value to others, when this is clearly about your individual person. Well, I believe that in order for a man to be attractive to a woman, he needs a modicum of looks, and show a whole lot of value.
Having said that, value is what you, and your potential partner, make of it. If you value, and therefore worry about, your height, charisma and grooming, then you’re throwing a high level focus onto those things. The women you go out with, will also focus on those things. Is that what you want?
Conversely, if you focus on what you know you’re already good at, and what you know you want to grow and improve on, then when you meet women, you’re going to be expressing that and be comfortable in your own skin. When you’re comfortable in your own skin, you attract people who also recognise your values, making it easier for you to connect with a potential partner. You see, when a man is in that element, he can get a second date with no problems because the woman already wants to see him again.
Now that we have the philosophy out of the way, let’s talk about you: You’re a pretty good looking guy. You look nice, seem to be close to your family and can certainly write in proper English, so there’s a high chance you speak pretty okay. You seem to have good friends and are sociable.
So, what if you’re short? The honest truth is I’m only a few centimetres taller than you at 1.68m. Don’t worry about your height, or your every move. If others do, well, that’s their problem. If a woman judges you based on how tall you are, or how you say things, then it’s their loss.
Go out with friends, grow yourself, and make good use of your time creating and finding new value. Once you do that, you’ll realise that the converse of your current situation is true: There’ll be too many possibilities to choose from.
If you, the reader, are looking for a listening ear, drop me an anonymised email and I’ll get back to you real quick!
